Fitting in...

Its been nearly a month since i landed here in Bangalore, after taking up a new job. Kinda difficult fitting in to the new place, language, people blah blah. Beginning with my vehicle, which bears the licence plates of Tamil Nadu, it's an easy prey to the bumbling traffic cops of Bengaluru (here i guess the cops are John Wayne fans, they wear cowboy hats !!). Already pulled over couple of times by cops with tummies bigger than my bike's tank, i decided to pay up the Karnataka State road tax and bail myself out of all the irritating John Wayne.. er .. traffic police troubles...

But that aint as simple as it sounds... heres my tale of filing the road tax in Bengaluru RTO.

Day 1: I found the place on google maps, and drove to the RTO office without any good samaritan help. Yeah, it seemed more like a fish market than a RTO, anyways always optimistic, i walked in with my documents(RC book and insurance).MAYHEM. It was a Kannada only zone... even the forms were in kannada !! Somehow i understood where to pay the tax... the fatso behind the desk said i needed to pay 12% of my vehicle's cost as Tax !! that comes close to Rs.6000 !! I went out to an ATM and withdrew the amount and came back to the fatso's place... now he says he wants a Demand Draft as they dont accept cash above 5000 bucks... grrrrrrr wanted to stuff the 6000 bucks wads of notes into his mouth !!! It was pretty clear that the fatso wanted some under the table financial transactions.. i gave up and headed back home.

Day 2: My dad went to the same place. He found an "agent" outside the RTO office who demanded 500 bucks (his fees + the bribe to be paid to the RTO officer).Dad returned home half an hour later with the Road Tax bill .. Voila!! Thanks to corruption in India i could pay the Tax !!

Thats just a trailer of what happens in Indian government offices.Things havent been very smooth so far for me here. Yesterday some shithead-tuna-brained thief stole my helmet from the parking lot of a high profile shopping mall... Sigh dunno whats yet to come for dear old moi... :(

Lead India - 2 minutes of patriotism

The first time i saw this video on TV about a month back i was petrified, stupefied and dumbfounded by its sheer power. This isnt an ordinary ad for some campaign... the people who made this really mean something. This video doesnt just pass the message of patriotism but hammers the nail of conscience into every Indian's heart who watches this. This is a kick in the crotch of those who cry about the corrupt system, we forget that we ARE the system. Face the fact that to change the system we need to change ourselves and change the way we think. Nobody is gonna clean our clogged drain, we have to do it ourselves.

The stage would ve been different if we had corrected ourselves way back in the beginning. Some good old dudes shed their blood and gave us freedom thinking that we would carry the flag forward... but that didnt happen. If things had gone right from day one since independence Americans would ve queued up in front of Indian Embassy to get their Indian Work Permit Visas and not the other way round. Well things arent that bad now. We are in better times and if the youth think like the lil kid in that video there is no limit to where this nation can reach.

24

happy birthday to meee
happy birthday to meee
happy birthday dear meee meee
happy birthday to meee...

clap clap clap clap clap !!!

Today i turned 24 !! one of the best birthdays ever !!

The Bite

I saw it. The weirdest bug i had ever seen in my life, crawling up my arm. I flicked it off and it landed on its non existent ass on the ground... i had a closer look at it... i aint an animal planet fan but this little thing WAS weird !! Then the train came by and i boarded it unaware that i was scratching my right arm unknowingly.

Now back to dusty Chennai from the pristine Ottapalam countryside I forgot all about the bug, save for the mild itch on my right arm. Couple of days passed by, the itch turned to pain, couple more days and the pain was unbearable... now with a blister... eeew. My right arm was so swollen that i could make John Cena look like a kindergarten kiddo !!!

Ok now this was a medical emergency. I went to the hospital where normal people were quite amused to see an underweight guy with a huge wrestler's right arm :P. I went to the casualty where the sadist evil Doc examined my arm and squeezed it.... "AAAAAAAARGH... F*** MAN... thats my swollen arm not a red juicy tomato..." After careful squeezing and examination the sadist evil Doc said

"Hmmmm... this is bad. I ll refer you to Dr. Boazo, he is a surgeon. We might have to cut it open".
"What!!!!!! cut..cutt it open??? cant you gimme pills for this??"

Oh my... and what kinda name is Dr. Boazo, the first doc was a sadist one but i was sure this one was a mad scientist... zikes!! I stepped into the surgeon's lair with the blood test report. Thank almighty...this doc looked very pleasant and experienced. He had a look at my arm then the report...

Doc: "Oh my God!! This is a case of severe staphylococcus infection !!"
Me(thinking): "Huh?? What?? Isnt that a dinosaur??"
Doc(Still deeply thinking and frowning over the report):"Hmmmmmm"
Me(on the verge of tears... thinking): "Ok are you gonna cut off my arm?? How many days i got to live... zikes..."
Doc:"This is not very bad. I will give you antibiotics and the wound will heal in 5 days, but make sure you dont strain your arm"
Me(so happy to hear that):"Strain?? the heaviest work i do is clicking the mouse."

The doc's magic pills worked and now my arm is back to normal size and the wound is healed... except that now it looks like a tattoo of a satellite photograph of the nuke bomb crater at Hiroshima.

And as for the bug which bit me.....

Choti choti baatein

Some little things that happened recently....



1)Was returning from my hometown, Trivandrum. There was this beautiful european tourist in the next seat. Suddenly she turns to me and asks "Mavellikkara ethra manikku yethum?" ("What time do we reach Mavelikkara?") in perfect fluent malayalam. My jaw dropped and hit the floor in amazement. I was surprised, shocked and quite amused to see a firangi speaking my native tongue. I assumed that she must have learnt a few phrases or sentences, but on "further investigation" i learnt that she speaks mallu more fluently than i do and though she was from Germany she even learnt to read n write mallu coz she was born and educated in kerala...boo hoo then i realised that i cant read mallu !! what a shame !!! :(


2)Took the local train for the second time today. It's been two years in this unforgiving city and i had never traveled on the famous MRTS* trains of Chennai until last week. By far the most efficient , the fastest, the greenest and the cheapest transport available in chennai. Hey bangloreans u dont have an MRTS to boast of :P. I was quite amazed at the frequency at which the trains run and the best part is that there are no traffic jams or roadblocks. Most of the train routes are on overhead tracks giving you a snapshot of the chennai city... and er dont forget to hold your breath or pinch your nose when running over the open sewers though... ugh ;)



3)Went to watch a movie tonight. Rambo !!! It was more of a cannibal cuisine cookbook. It has got full instructions on how to make human salad, sambhar, thoran, chammandi etc. CUT, SLICE, SMACK, ZAP, SWISH, DICE, CHOP, MINCE... And if u are thirsty... just take a truckload of bad burmese soldiers... pop a jeep mounted high calibre machine gun in front of them and squeeze the trigger. Who wants a blender... huh?? Tasty burmese soldier soup ready to serve !! Or maybe if u r old school type like Mr Rambo, u could experiment with a machete to make some bad guy tikka at home.... eeeeeeewwwww grosss !!!


*MRTS = Mass Rapid Transit System... cool huh !!