Paintball – Combat Evolved

It is really fun watching Hollywood action stars jump off helicopters and going gung-ho firing all kinds of weapons made on this planet. It would be really fun to feel like Bruce Willis of “Die Hard” or Tom Cruise from “Mission Impossible”, at least for a day. Well, for us software junkies this is a far cry. But if you wanted to be in he army at some point of time in your life or flunked your NDA examination, then as a mark of retribution you can always try playing Paintball game on a hot sunny weekend afternoon.

I never thought India could be a home to seriously Yankee type adventure game like Paintball, that was until last weekend when Jerry invited me to join his group for a Paintball game. I was thrilled to hear that we had Paintball Arena in Bangalore and jumped the opportunity. For those who don't know what Paintball is... its like splitting into two teams and shooting your opponents with guns loaded with spherical pellets with paint inside, hence the name Paintball !! This is the closest thing to actual combat with the real feel but instead of blood spilling we get splattered with PAINT!! It could be regarded as the Holi of modern times !! ;)

So on the D-Day we set off to the Paintball Arena on Banarghetta Road about 10 kms from Diaries Circle. We reached the place when the sun was smiling at his devilish most. We got a small debriefing by the organizing guys:

Rule 1: Always follow safety regulations and wear ur safety gear all the time.
Rule 2:No other rules except rule 1.

The guns(which are pretty heavy) are known as markers, powered by a compressed air canister at its butt. We were shown how to fire the markers and use the safety catch on it. Then we padded up for the game. We had to a wear very uncomfortable vest with an attached neckguard, combat gloves, and a skull cap. After posing for some John Woo style “demo” pics we went into the fight-yard and discussed the war-cries, strategies and tactics to be used while engaging the enemy.

After pledging our allegiance to the Gods of Paintball, the referee blew the whistle and we released the safety catch of the guns and attacked the blokes in the opposite team. Kaashif was the suicide squad leader with his sole motto being “kill or die”. While me and Jerry grouped up and used some stealth tactics to sneak up on the enemy from behind. It was pure rush and fun dodging bullets, running like crazy, dashing, rolling and sliding on the ground. The stamina meter went terribly low by the end of third round and we monitor-staring- corporate blokes were dead meat in no time. We continued for two more rounds and called it a day. The experience was far too exhilarating to be put in words. You need to actually feel the rush. After a sumptuous lunch at 5 in the evening from a nearby dhaba we headed back home worn out and totally wasted. Three days have passed since we went for the game, the cramps in my body are still there and i cant walk or climb stairs. So much for my fitness levels, guess the game should ve been titled "pain"ball for me. But these cramps aint gonna stop me from goin back there again for another day of Paintball !!!

Salaam Bangalore !!!

I make a trip to Bangalore every month but the last one was the most miserable yet the most memorable one so far!! The misery started last week when I had a severe dehydration problem er... from top and bottom [courtesy: my office food topped with dead flies, and sometimes they move their legs like a downed soldier who stepped on a mine]. I was kinda semi-hospitalized and lost a few chunks of my weight. So I decided to go over to my parent’s place in Bangalore to hog as much as I could and gain the lost pounds. I finished the crappy work assigned to me at the office early to take the late night Bangalore Mail.


I hitched a ride on our company bus and reached Chennai Central only to find a stupid strike going on there and all trains were delayed indefinitely… boy!!! this was gonna be a loooong wait. Why do such crap things happen to me every time I go to Bangalore, another time my bus broke down in the middle of nowhere (that’s another long story). It was an agonizing four hour wait during which time I learnt a lotta new things about Chennai Central. Finally when my train arrived at the platform I could do the following things :

a) I had come across every single stray dog at the station and now I could prepare a chart on them cross referencing the breed, coat color and their barking frequency.
b) I could quote the badge numbers of all coolies working there.
c) I learnt that the clock at the far end of platform number 7 was running on Ethiopian National Time.

Anyways my train came and I reached Bangalore four hours late the next morning. And as per plan I started hogging down food much to the happiness of my mom. I had no initial plans of meeting my buddies in b’lore… but it had been a long time since I met any of them, so I decided to meet them and catch up on some good old times. First call to Jerry… place and time decided… The Forum Mall on Sunday. I asked Jerry to pick up Jithu and meet me there. I hadn’t brought much of my clothes with me other than the office formals I was wearing and a few changes for home. I rummaged thru the cupboards and found an old white tee and a pair of jeans which I used to wear when I was in college. Both fitted perfectly and off I went to Forum to meet my buddies.



As always I reached almost an hour before the others, but this was Forum and I aint gonna get bored even if I were alone. After babe-watching for a few minutes I decided to mug up some books for free at Landmark. I went straight to my favourite section… “comics”(:-D hee… I still like comics). I dragged a chair and started reading “Amazing Spiderman Vs Batman”. It was going good and just when Spidey was gonna kick Batty’s butt I felt a hmmm er well… a pleasant air-conditioning in my jeans. The MasterCard ad started flashing in my head where the guy says that its priceless to find yourself unzipped before someone else does… how true!! But how can this be I aint a 2 year old kid, how can I be so sloppy!! Thankfully I hadn’t tucked in my tees, hence no one was gonna spot the open post office, unless I lift my arms or wipe my forehead with the edge of my tees or do anything remotely stupid to that.With a quick flick of a magician’s hand I zipped myself and headed for the upper levels of the store. I was climbing the stairs and here we are again… the air-conditioning returned again. It was like some enemy of mine had created an African voodoo doll of mine and playing around unzipping it, to make me frustrated. I realized the zipper lock was gone for a toss… this was the worst nightmare for any civilized male homo-sapien.

Beads of sweat started forming on my forehead in the 5 degrees Centigrade climate of Landmark. I said to myself… “dude don’t panic… as long as ur tee is out u r safe… and don’t do anything stupid”. And here I was… walking around unzipped at the most happening place in Bangalore. And somehow it reminded me of our very own “mundu” of Kerala. Finally Jerry and Jithu arrived and as we failed to get any movie tickets decided to hog down some food. Meanwhile I called up K and asked him to join us.

Me: K, where are you? We are at forum... can you come here?
K: Yeoh man!! I am at a free lunch… u know if I don’t hog for free it ll be blasphemy!! I ll meet ya guys immediately after this party!!
Me: ok cya bye.

Then we headed to a place outside forum and gobbled up chunks of biriyani. I told my pals to wait while I go n fix my zipper at the rest room. I went inside to zip up, but this time the zipper hook came off totally!! I returned to my buddies and showed them the trophy- the broken zip hook. Both of them almost lifted me by my arms and took me a place nearby to get myself changed. I had to shell out abt 550 bucks to get a new pair of jeans and save the day. Meanwhile Jerry called up K

Jerry: where are you ?
K: Damn my Honda aint starting… I ll be a little late (Sound of breaking chicken bones in the background)
Jerry: Ok (hangs up)

We headed back to Forum to meet Rep and Thomas… and I was wearing my new jeans. We huddled around a table at the Transit food court and started on job crap, tech crap, bike crap, gal crap and discussed on how many lines were drawn in the past one year, how many lines got broken and how many lines became circles. Jerry called up K again.

Jerry: where are you ?
K: Man!!! I just slipped on a banana peel… I ll be there in no time… promise!!
Jerry: grrr (hangs up)

Rep and Thomachan joined us and so did K, with a look on his face which proclaimed that he was waiting for us there since two days!! . It was fun, it was the first good dude-talk of my wavelength since college. One thing that moved me the most during this trip was, I expected only a hi-bye conversation over phone with most of my pals, but to my surprise every single one I called turned up at Forum, some even keeping aside their already scheduled plans… and I am still on cloud nine for that!!! I am a man with few friends but the few I have are worth dying for… and of course I will miss my old jeans.